Epiphany.

Today I went to the pool. To help teach a swim class for A4.
It didn't really seem like anything different- walking through the locker room, putting on my suit, cap and goggles. Jumping into a pool that almost always burns my skin because of the water to chlorine ratio. Staring at the same old tiles that have always been the same color of off- sky blue. Some cracking and breaking off in places, others looking shinier than others. I never knew and don't think I'll ever know why those tiles are so strangely beautiful to me. I guess they just bring a sense of home. In all things crazy and upside down, those little tiles are the few things that are constant in my life.
Today. For the first time in a long, long time I felt like I belonged somewhere. That I was where I was supposed to be. For the first time in a while, I felt whole.

It's interesting to look back on 10 years of your life and realize how fast it's gone by. It's interesting to realize that it seems like so much has changed, but parts of you are still really the same. The important things. Kind of comforting, really.
I'm a teenager, I experience with change. I'm still figuring out where I want to go and who I want to be. I change my mind and change it again because nothing's permanent. I have time to be stupid. Naturally, this doesn't give me license to be an idiot. But looking back on a decade of full life, full of learning and a bit of teaching, it's a strange sensation to know that the core parts of me are still the same. Or developed into something that is actually useful in my life.
Truth is, life is hard. But it's so so beautiful. It's about messing up and learning from that screw up. It's about loving and figuring out the kinds of things that you love. It's so much more than just existing. It's about living.


Confession: I think I just had an epiphany. There's so much more to life than what we see. We can never see it all. We never will see it all. We'll always constantly be learning and striving to be better. But it's the striving that makes us better. Make sense? Don't worry, it will once you think about it for your whole life. I haven't even figured it out.

P.S. thank you Boyce Avenue. I heart you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw3tYiAFVfg&feature=related

And Maroon 5.

And the beautiful simplicity of loving who you are.

I secretly want to start writing down everything I'm thankful for. Everything that makes me smile. Everything that people should be thankful for but aren't. Everything that God gives us that is beautiful that we take for granted. Everything that makes the downs become ups. Everything that makes life; LIFE.