Thanks, pal.

A few days ago I got involved in a phone conversation that somehow turned from "hey, how are you?" to discussing deep religious views.
I gotta say, I didn't see that one coming.
I learned really quickly by talking to this person for about 20 minutes, that for the entire 2 years i've known them, they've been full out lying to me.
Awesome, right?

I had to try so hard to not to full out yell at him, shove a Book of Mormon in his face and say "read it! it will change your life!" It was the first time in my entire life that I had to hold back and say "Look, I respect you for your views, and you should respect me for mine." The pressure that built up inside of me to defend my religion was almost too much. I wanted to convert him right then and there.
But I guess it doesn't work that way. My dad told me "You just provide information, they convert on their own due time and with the Spirit."
Which is true.
The more I've thought about it, though, Im starting to realize that this is how missionaries must feel sometimes. Especially because they're so in tune with the gospel, and they have such powerful testimonies, wouldn't they just want to mass-baptize everyone? I would. If I'm going to go on a mission, I need to learn self control and more patience.

I'm really thankful for missionaries. And the guys that they are before they leave. One of my favorite things on this entire planet is to see a missionary diligently serving the Lord. I don't know how to explain it, but the light of Christ emits so brightly from all of them. It makes me smile.

Im also really thankful for the guy friends that I have now. And how I can see them being missionaries in a few years. It makes me sad to think that I'm going to have to start saying goodbye soon, but Im so pumped for them because I know they're all going to be such studs when they get back. Well, they already are, but even more so after 2 years of epic gospel-immersion.

I was hanging out with some of my closest friends last night, and I kind of had one of those 'out of body experiences.' where you kind of zone out look at things from a different kind of perspective. In that moment, all I could think was "This is good. This is how life should be."

Im so thankful for my friends. And the people in my life that get in my face a little bit when I screw up. I need it; I'm too hard headed to listen to any other method. I'm thankful for the time people take to figure me out and break down all my walls. I'm thankful for people who aren't afraid to say "I love you," or "You're my best friend." I think sometimes we take those phrases for granted.
We shouldn't.

Nothing left to lose.

I think I've finally come to that point.
Where everything seems so good, so right. im tired of hesitating.
Life's been waiting and I've been putting it on hold too much.
Maybe because I had all my priorities messed up. Maybe because I was scared.
But now, I have nothing left to lose.
Im ready to live.

"something's in the air tonight
the skies alive with the burning light.
you can mark my words,
somethings about to break.

and I found myself in a bitter fight
when I felt your hand through the darkest night.
Don't know where you're coming from
but you're coming soon.

Come on and we'll see
like we were free.
Push the pedal down
watch the world around fly by us.

Come on and we'll try
one last time.
Im off of the floor
one more time to find you.

here we go
theres nothing left to choose.
here we go.
There's nothing left to lose."

I'll make you proud one day. I promise.

Today my life changed. No more eating brownies after dinner, or having a Mountain Dew when I need to wake up. No more shaving my legs for Sunday, or getting rid of the smell of chlorine that seems to haunt me.
Today my High School swim season starts.
And quite frankly, it's a big deal.
Did you know that when colleges are scouting for recruits, they look at the times from your Junior year? Junior?! Why?!? No one knows. But they do.
I'd like to think that I could take the whole summer off and come back strong and ready to swim, but that wont ever happen in a million years. Some people can be gone for weeks and come back to practice and kick my butt. Even when I've been there the whole time. It gets frustrating, but I'm happy for their success. I guess. - Cue angry jealous face-.

I know what you're thinking. "C'mon Sammi. ANOTHER post about swimming? Get a life. Puuhhlleeze."
Well, my few dear followers, I have to graciously deny your request. Because, incase you haven't noticed, Swimming IS my life. It's my whole reason for existing. And when your entire college career is riding on just this one season, it's a big deal. So why not blog about it?

Among the many things I've learned from swimming, is that you really do get out what you put in, and that you're going to fail quite often before you see success. But it's what you do when you fail that counts. Do you stay on the ground, telling yourself it isn't even worth it, and you should just quit now? Or do you get back up and give failure a slap in the face when it tells you you can't, turn your back on it and say "Watch me."?

As for me, I've failed a lot. let me tell you. I was in Washington for a swim meet one time with the Western half of the country, rested and feeling really really  good. That meet was what I had trained my entire 6 month season for. That was IT.
When I dove in, I felt good. It was brilliant. It was a distance race, so I knew I had to keep a pace in order to get the time I wanted.
Then. I lost it.
My arms started burning and my legs stopped moving. I was dying for air and that stupid annoying voice in the back of my head turned from "You're slowing down! speed up!" to "Just finish."
I got dead last in my heat. I'll never forget the look on my coach's face after that one. It still burns my eyes sometimes.

But, with failure eventually comes success. I don't have any really cool success stories to tell you. I didn't come back from behind and take state in a race. I didn't set a new record or even place in top 3. It just hasn't been in the cards for me yet.
But, I can tell you one thing.

I wont ever stop fighting. I won't ever stop practicing, sweating, bleeding and crying for the things I want most. Not just in swimming, but in everything. I'm not one to let things slip past me very easily.
The world is always going to tell us no. They're always going to set standards and limitations on what we can do. They're always going to try to tell us who to be and what to stand for.
Just be you.
And never stop working and fighting for the things you want most.

I'll make you proud one day. I promise.

Fairytales, Dragons and Prince Charming.

You know, I learned a lot of things from Fairytales growing up.

I learned to never take anything from strangers. Especially old hags.
I learned that singing at the top of your lungs is perfectly acceptable when you're alone. And in public.
I learned that if you're locked in a tower, there better be an emergency exit.
I learned to go with your gut and trust your heart.
I learned a lot of things.

One thing that I still haven't figured out is the concept of the oh-so-grand "Prince Charming."
Lets get real, every girl thinks about him. People write songs about him, (T-Swift?), and he constantly encompasses our farthest-reaching day dreams. We all want the "Fairy Tale" Romance. Why wouldn't we? Its perfect.
The Princess is just sitting there, wallowing in her misery while this incredibly good looking guy is doing everything he can to get to her. Then, when he finds her, they get married and live happily ever after. Who wouldn't want that?

I hate to break it to you, girls, but fairy tales like that just don't exist in all reality. We don't get locked in towers or fall into a deep sleep by eating an apple. There aren't dragons or demons that try to stop our Prince's every move. He doesn't carry around a sword, clad full out in armor. He doesn't call himself 'Sir' and you don't curtsy and call yourself 'Lady.' It may have been like that before, but we're in a whole new ball game now.

I do believe in Fairy Tales and happily ever afters. Don't get me wrong. After watching them for 16 years, these are 3 important things that I learned.

1. Fairy Tales taught me that dragons do exist. And that they can be defeated.
Having the Dragon win in the end of a movie would really ruin it for me. It's the greatest feeling when the Prince kills it, then finally gets to the girl. I feel a personal sense of accomplishment for him. Way to go, Prince.
I would expect that every girl has her own personal cult of 'dragons' that wait to sabotage her every move towards her Prince Charming. Whether it's inevitable things such as distance, age, or even timing, they always seem to work together in uncanny ways to tear the relationship apart.
Or there's the really really crappy relationships that you find yourself knee-deep in, with no hope of getting out. You didn't really mean to put yourself in that situation, it just sort of, happened. Which is completely understandable.
My word of advice?: Things happen for a reason. Cliche, I know. But maybe the distance makes you appreciate the time you have together. Or the bad relationships taught you about what it takes to have a good, healthy one. To everything there is a season, to every rhyme there is a reason.

2. Maybe Prince Charming isn't who you think he is.
Every girl envisions her Prince Charming as this stud, who walks around with all his possy thinking "I'm so rad. Everyone should love me."
No.
No, No no.
your Prince Charming is who YOU want him to be. Not who everyone else thinks he should be. Prince Charming is going to connect with you on levels that even you yourself don't understand. he's going to make you laugh, smile, and maybe blush a little sometimes. He's going to love you at your worst and your best. He's going to lift you up when you feel low, and lift you higher when you're at the top of the world.
It seems to me like girls go looking in all the wrong places for their Prince Charming. Then they end up getting knee-deep into those crappy relationships, with no directions on how to get out.
My other word of advice?: Look.Around.
How many guys are in your 'friend zone' that you love to hang out with, be with, and laugh with? Im not saying you should go hook up with them, but just remember how you feel when ever you're with them.
Look around. Take the path less traveled by.


 3. Happily Ever After DOES exist.
I believe this because of my religion. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe that families can be sealed together for time and all eternity, because of our Heavenly Father's beautiful eternal plan. I believe in happiness that lasts for ever. I believe that something as beautiful as finding your other half should last longer than the general life expectancy. I believe there's something beyond 'Til death do us part.'

I believe in being a Mormon. I believe in eternity. I believe in happily ever after, and finding my Prince Charming.

Deep thinking.

I was thinking a lot today. I was in one of those weird moods where everything causes you to think really deep.
* I think most of this is contributed to reading Tuesdays with Morrie.  I read it all last night and I cried.
Anyway.
Example A) My stupid shoe-lace wasn't behaving how I wanted it to.  It was sticking out and spazzing out 24/7. I was so frustrated with it, wanting to just cut it off with scissors. But then my mind spun out into all these reasonings. 'this is so symbolic, Sammi.' 'Why do you let the small things bother you?' 'Your perspective needs to be wider. There are so many more important things in this world.' Yeah, what? Sammi, shut up, stop thinking and walk to class.

Example B) I tend to observe people frequently. People watching, I guess some people call it. I was watching people in the hall, watching their faces and who they were talking to. What faces they made when they talked, or how they explained something with their hands. I found out that I tend to notice ( No, I dont stalk. Stop thinking that.) people who are happier more. The sad ones aren't entertaining to people-watch. Then I started thinking about me. Well first I thought 'These people probably think you're a creep, Sammi.' Then I laughed. But really. I started thinking about me. Not in a selfish kind of way, but more self-critical. And I decided something.
So many people try to be different, which just makes us all normal.
Im so tired of seeing people trying so hard to stand out. Its like a breath of fresh air when someone is just themselves.

I realized that I love the process of figuring out who I am. What i like and what I don't like. Who I like to hang out with and who I just can't stand.
I'm screwing up and fixing things. I'm happy and I'm sad.
I'm figuring it out.
That feeling is nice.

Mother Nature hates Utah.

Reality slapped me rather hard across the face these past few days.
It's been raining/snowing/being below freezing temperatures for the past 3 days. I was extremely upset about this, it only being October 7th (aren't we supposed to have Fall after Summer?) until I realized..
I live in Utah.
Oh, yeah.
I think instead of "worlds greatest snow" on the license plate, it should say "worlds most bipolar weather."

Now, I'm not usually one to complain about things that I can't control. And I usually don't complain about the weather. But then, I realized, as I was driving...
I absolutely HATE dealing with Wind shield wipers.
What the freaking heck.
I mean, don't get me wrong, im super glad for all of the different settings they have, but if you press down the lever a little too hard, it turns on to high and has a complete spaz, freak out. Or, if its just barely raining, you don't want to put it on low because then you feel like it's moving needlessly. But you don't want to turn them off because after a while rain collects on the bloody windshield and you can't see! So usually I just end up pressing the lever down, and then back up. So the wipers go across once, successfully getting the water out of my vision, and then turning them off so I don't waste them.

Life would be so much easier if it didn't rain for one hour, snow for the next 2, then be sunny and in the 60's the rest of the day.
Life would be so much easier if we actually had a FALL instead of Summer then straight to Winter.
Life would be so much easier if Wind shield wipers had a 'Utah weather' setting.
Life would be so much easier if Mother nature didn't hate Utah.

But I guess it's the hard things that make life so great, eh? :)