Epiphany.

Today I went to the pool. To help teach a swim class for A4.
It didn't really seem like anything different- walking through the locker room, putting on my suit, cap and goggles. Jumping into a pool that almost always burns my skin because of the water to chlorine ratio. Staring at the same old tiles that have always been the same color of off- sky blue. Some cracking and breaking off in places, others looking shinier than others. I never knew and don't think I'll ever know why those tiles are so strangely beautiful to me. I guess they just bring a sense of home. In all things crazy and upside down, those little tiles are the few things that are constant in my life.
Today. For the first time in a long, long time I felt like I belonged somewhere. That I was where I was supposed to be. For the first time in a while, I felt whole.

It's interesting to look back on 10 years of your life and realize how fast it's gone by. It's interesting to realize that it seems like so much has changed, but parts of you are still really the same. The important things. Kind of comforting, really.
I'm a teenager, I experience with change. I'm still figuring out where I want to go and who I want to be. I change my mind and change it again because nothing's permanent. I have time to be stupid. Naturally, this doesn't give me license to be an idiot. But looking back on a decade of full life, full of learning and a bit of teaching, it's a strange sensation to know that the core parts of me are still the same. Or developed into something that is actually useful in my life.
Truth is, life is hard. But it's so so beautiful. It's about messing up and learning from that screw up. It's about loving and figuring out the kinds of things that you love. It's so much more than just existing. It's about living.


Confession: I think I just had an epiphany. There's so much more to life than what we see. We can never see it all. We never will see it all. We'll always constantly be learning and striving to be better. But it's the striving that makes us better. Make sense? Don't worry, it will once you think about it for your whole life. I haven't even figured it out.

P.S. thank you Boyce Avenue. I heart you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw3tYiAFVfg&feature=related

And Maroon 5.

And the beautiful simplicity of loving who you are.

I secretly want to start writing down everything I'm thankful for. Everything that makes me smile. Everything that people should be thankful for but aren't. Everything that God gives us that is beautiful that we take for granted. Everything that makes the downs become ups. Everything that makes life; LIFE.

Schooled.

Being in school again for a week..(Vomit, only a week?) I've learned a lot. Not much about Calculus or AP Government and Politics. Not even about the new kids that I know I'm supposed to be nice and talk to.. but about me.

High School is so crazy. So unexpected but so predictable at the same time. Lets be honest, what other place is it fine to carry around a freaking huge stereo and blast music down the halls? What other place is it typical to see dance offs during lunch? I guess you could see Dance-off's anywhere, technically, but in High School it's just a given.

Yeah High School's terrible. It's hard and the homework makes me want to pass out sometimes. But we're all individuals. We all have things that make us who we are. I think that's what High School really is; a bunch of freaks all contributing to making one school truly legit. Maybe the Teachers are trying to teach us math, chemistry and history.. but maybe we're secretly teaching each other and ourselves to be individual. Maybe buried under all of the drama and upsets, what we're all really trying to say is
Be You.

The Key to High School.

I woke up this morning and found myself freaking out. Why? I have school tomorrow. And I am not prepared in even the slightest. I usually have to give myself 2-3 weeks to mentally prepare, at bare minimum. I now have less than 24 hours to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be sitting at a desk for 6 1/2 hours for 5 days a week.
You know what I think is funny? How many girls sit in their room for hours on end deciding what to wear for the first day of school? How early do they wake up to look like I looked when I went to prom? I don't know about you, but it's not even worth it to me. Today I was trying to decide which outfit would be more comfortable. Guess what I'm wearing.
A white v-neck.
Light Jacket.
Jeans.
and high tops. Ah, High School.




Errant thought: So I was skimming through blogs today and I found a post about Swag. ahahaha Swag. Adults frown upon it, thinking it's some teenage slang. Teenagers either use the word properly, or misuse it to the point of corruption. I think I should clear things up.
What is Swag? It is simple. Either you have it, or you don't.


Which leads me into...


SWAG.


Urban Dictionary has a rather good definition.


"The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style, and demeanor. Swag can also be expanded to be the reputation of your overall swagger. You gain swag, or “Swag up”, by performing swag worthy actions that improve this perception. A person can also “swag down,” by being an overall lame-face and garnering negative swag for their actions. Swag is a subtle thing that many strive to gain but few actually attain. It is reserved for the most swagalicious of people. Swag can also be quantified, with point systems existing in some circles of friends."
P.S. Swagalicious? Umm. Love.



You're unable to define define swag if you don’t have it. It’s something you feel. And how do I know this? Well, that leads me perfectly into the first rule of acquiring swag:

1) Knowing that you have swag.

This is crucial, but also dangerous. The biggest key to having swag is being confident. However, the easiest way to "de-swag" yourself is to be overconfident. YOu want people to admire you, not despise you. If you walk around thinking that you're the bomb, well, then, you have no swag and never did. Sorry, bud. 

But confidence is everything. You can’t ever expect anyone to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. How can you accomplish this? Here’s how you start:

Look in the mirror every morning and find one thing that you like about yourself. I know it seems hard now, but it's really not. Pretty soon you'll start to realize how legit you truly are. 

One you accomplish this, then you can start getting accustomed to the idea of having self-confidence. Keep looking in the mirror, and find new things that you like about yourself. That way, you start your day in a good mood, and you’re ready for the day. Which brings me to my next point of how to acquire — and maintain — swag.

2) Don’t let others ruin your swag.

Lets get real. This world is chock full of unappreciative, sad, miserable people. They treat every day like it's the worst, and all they want to do is bring others down with them.

We call these people “swag-enemies.”

Don’t let these people bring you down. Let whatever insults they throw at you roll right off your skin. In fact, smile at them, and don’t be afraid to even laugh along with whatever they say to you. Once they notice your unassuming, modest demeanor, they’ll realize it’s a lost cause, and maybe you’ll even gain their respect (not that you even need it.) Because you have swag.  Well, almost. 

This is key. Letting other people drag you down is the easiest way to lose your swag. But, in truth, they just sense your swag and it makes them feel worse about themselves. It’s not your fault. Besides, who cares what they think about you? If you know you got swag (see rule #1), than their opinion does not matter.

But, remember, don’t just reserve your smiles for them. Smile at everyone. Be friendly. Having swag doesn’t isolate you from the rest of society. That’s another way to lose your swag. True swag means full acceptance of all people. No one in this world is not good enough for you. No one.

But that doesn’t mean that you still aren't able to flaunt your swag. Which brings me to rule #3.

3) Don’t slouch.

My dad always reminds me to have good posture. It's gives a person a sense of being. Seeing a person slouch is the easiest way to detect lack-of-swag. Walking around with a defeated expression, and acting like you’ve been given a raw hand in life is the antithesis of swag.

Body language is everything. Step strongly, hold your head high, and you will automatically have a commanding presence. People will know when you are there. In the rare case that you ever do find yourself slouching, stand up straight and remind yourself of those things that you like about yourself. It should have an immediate effect.

4) Look your best.

Now I’m not saying you need to hit up the mall right now and buy some expensive clothing; just do the best with what you can. How you present yourself is an important part of the swag-process.

Most importantly, do NOT try to look like somebody else. Be yourself, and make sure that you are comfortable with what you wear. Most importantly, wear whatever gives you the most confidence. Swag is an individual thing. It wouldn't be swag if everyone had it.

5) Set daily expectations for yourself.

These expectations don’t have to be huge. Set expectations in the morning. Simple things like “Have a good day at school,” or “Have a positive interaction with one of your teachers instead of wanting to yell at them,” or “Catch up with so-and-so who you haven’t talked to in a while.” Things like that. If you completed this one simple task, then you reached your expectations, and you maintained your swag.

6) Stay positive all day long.

The day is 24 hours long. It’s a long time, I know. Being happy for half of it is not good enough. Don’t ever let the little things in life take away from your swag. If you feel like life is becoming repetitive, set new, reachable expectations for yourself.

Having swag is not a part-time job.

7) Fine-tune your swag.

Swag is like fashion. It changes and evolves every day. Since there’s no one definition for it, you have to use your swag-instincts and figure it out yourself. It's a learning process. Perhaps make small adjustments in your social life, like cutting out a bad influence in your life, or adding a new word to your vocabulary. There’s no one way to go about it, so be creative!

8 ) Repeat everyday.

Only by accomplishing all of this can one obtain swag. I never said it was easy, and I certainly never said that it was an overnight process. It will take a while.

The most important thing about having swag is being confident and secure with the person that you are. Because if you don’t have that, then you will never have swag.

Go on, try it. When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say just one simple thing that you like about yourself. And don’t forget it.

Before you know it, you will be on the road to becoming swagtastic.

This, is your key to High School. 

Should I say you're welcome?

Conquering Timp.

Early this morning, before most of the teenagers had even gone to bed from their crazy Friday night, I woke up. I put on my good running shoes and grabbed 3 water bottles, a bunch of snacks, and got into my friends car at 1:20 am. A few days prior, my dear friend Rachel and I brainstormed ideas for ending our summer in an epic manner. We decided that hiking Timpooneke would be a good idea. I honestly don't know what the heck we were thinking. After driving up the canyon, we started hiking. And hiking. and hiking. It seemed to never end. I think the reason that I don't remember most of it is because I was so freaking exhausted, but I remember thinking "Holy son of a.., we're not even half way yet." or "I swear on my great grandmothers grave that I will never do this ever ever again. ever." And occasionally, "I'm starting to feel rather uneasy.."
The trail started out remotely flat, with a few inclines here and there. As we got farther in, the path got way more difficult. Like walking over patches of snow that were as smooth as ice. Trying not to trip on rocks that came out of nowhere in the pitch blackness of the Wasatch Mountain nights. Trying so hard not to beg the guys for a break because your legs were on fire and your lungs were the size of peanuts. When we got to the top, though, it was all worth it. The view was amazing.

This doesn't really cover it.. but you get the gist of it.

We got to the top around 5:50, and decided to hang around until the sun came up. We all heard that it was supposed to be an amazing view. While we waited, we talked. We watched a lightening storm miles away, and we talked and laughed and it was super easy and fun. Then, around 7:00, we got this view

Sorry, my camera kinda sucks, but isn't that gorgeous? The colors were crazy beautiful. I loved them. We stayed until we felt like we got the whole "experience" and then we started the trek back down to the parking lot. As soon as we got off the saddle, we ran into these fellows.

Mountain Goats! :) It was fun. We got so so close and then they all ran away. Pansies.
Anyway, the hike back down seemed a lot longer, but we eventually made it back to the car. My feet hurt like mad and I have 5645413 new blisters, but way more memories. It was worth it, and now all of us who went can say that we
Conquered Timpooneke.
What a supreme way to end the summer, if I do say so myself.

Recap

I hate coming back from awesome vacations and realizing that life is going to hit you full scale in a matter of days. But I don't want to dwell on the fact that school is starting in 144 hours. Lets talk about Bear lake shall we?
The Lake was beautiful. The people were amazing and the memories are still fresh in my mind.
We chilled out at the beach one day, and I'm pretty sure I got a new appreciation for dragonflies. Thank goodness they like to eat mosquitoes. I got eaten alive this past week.
Then we went horseback riding. Which was probably my most favorite thing of the whole week. Not going to lie.

My horses name was Digger. I had the desire to say gold super quietly before I ever said his name.. just for my entertainment.

I think my family got a lot closer. I found a new best friend. Her name is Shaye. She's my cousin.

Tell me that's not the most precious thing you've ever seen. Just say it.

Then me and my immediate family stayed a few days longer at the Lake, and spent most of our time wakeboarding. Being up there made me want to become a professional. Really bad.

I'm not super good at wakeboarding, but we have some seriously awesome video of me totally face planting. It's so sweet.

Other than being sore and really tired, I'm good. I want to give this last week of summer everything I have left, just to be sure I didn't leave anything still out on the table when school starts.
I'll be sure to let you know how that's going..
Grr.

To the Lake!

Well. It's about time I got a vacation, don't you think?
Im off to a family reunion up in Bear Lake.

Although I would never admit to this in a public setting, I actually enjoy being outdoors and camping and such. It's so much easier. And I get to be with my Dad's side of the family while up at this beautiful lake. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when my Dad and his brothers talk. It starts out with friendly conversation, then they turn into teenage brothers again. I could sit and listen to them rag on each other and tell stories for hours. I usually do. 

I think it'll be good to get away from it all for a few days. Maybe get sunburned. Run on a dirt trail in the mornings (if I have the dedication to exercise. Which is 50/50 right now. No guarantees. :) ) , and just being with family. I don't know if they'll have a computer up there, but even if they do I doubt I'll have any exciting news. However, my Aunt Jen keeps a very diligent blog. Follow her, yes? She has such a brilliant sense of humor. I love reading her posts.

Alright, and with that I say.. to the lake!

Elder Scoresby.

Secretly, I've been dreading this day for months. Years, maybe.
Today was the day I found out just how far away Josh would be from me for 2 years.
I swear, there were 345678765 people there, waiting, freaking out, screaming.. and then, we all heard him say "Dear Elder Scoresby, you are here by called to labor in the Vitoria, Brazil mission. You report to the MTC on January, 4th, 2012.

Isn't it beautiful? Im going to pick him up. Hands down.

Okay, so I still have a few months with him. But still, he's leaving. Im having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
Maybe when he comes home he'll teach me how to ramble off in Portuguese. That'd be awesome. Or maybe I'll buy Rosetta stone and learn basic Portuguese while he's gone.. Then just talk ton him when he gets back. How sweet would that be? Freaking sweet.

We're going to Bear Lake this week for a family reunion, and I found myself being extremely excited just to be with him. I feel like I have such little time left.


All in all, I'm happy for him. Im happy that he's serving the Lord for 24 months ( ouch. So long. ), and Im happy that he's happy. That's all that really matters.

Peace. Love. And Brazil.

Falling Skies.

I'm not one to get obsessed with TV shows. I have some that I prefer over others, and will gladly watch if they're playing.
But recently I discovered this unreal TV series called Falling Skies.
I watched the marathon of like 20 episodes before the finale, which was tonight. I was all pumped because I thought it was the last season, so I could watch the story from beginning to end.
Not so.
This was the season finale, which basically means the directors are going to torture us by ending the season with a cliff hanger. I was in the middle of having a heart attack because the ending was so purely awesome and insane and suspenseful all at the same time, and then I saw the screen
"Falling skies will continue Summer of 2012."
2012?!?! You're kidding me. I'm supposed to wait a whole year to see the next season?
Gosh dang it.

Lets get real. I have to wait a whole year to see this face again? I swear the directors are out to get me.

Don't kid yourself. He's dang attractive.

Anyway. I'm basically in a state of depression considering that I have to wait. Patience isn't exactly my forte. 

Bottom line: I love Falling Skies. I'm obsessed. My advice?: Go.watch.it.

Maybe I just love it for the hot guys. And the motorcycles. And the fighting. And the aliens. And everything about it. 

Just.. go watch it.

Go.

I love swimming. And life.

I woke up this morning and figured out super quick that my legs have zero function. I don't ever remember being this sore. I have to walk like an old woman, bending over and holding my lower back for support.
That's so sad.
But so so worth it. Dee ( my coach ) always pushes me. He always inspires me to excel and to not only be the best swimmer I can be, but the best person.

A little action shot, if you will.

Although, swimming's interesting because it's individual and a team sport. You swim individual events and place. The higher up you place, the more points you score. All of the points that you accumulate go to your team. The team with the most points at the end of the meet wins. 

There are also relays. Where 4 people get to swim a race together. I find that in big meets like region and State, relays always get a lot closer. You sweat, bleed, and live and die in the 10ths of each second together. 

As you remember, I had State recently. I had a really super awesome experience swimming on a relay with 4 of the greatest girls I know. We went into the race with good attitudes and let our bodies do what we knew how to do best. It wasn't until the last 2 legs of the race that it got super intense. We were neck and neck with our rival, and all of a sudden this massive desire to win completely side-swiped me. 

Our anchor ended up touching one one-hundredth of a second ahead of our rival. It was awesome. The whole pool exploded, and we could hear the coaches and other swimmers going crazy. It was unreal to finally have all of the hard work of the summer pay off, and to do it with 3 other amazing girls by my side, sharing the glory as well.

I'm going to be honest, doing good in swimming is pleasurable sometimes. But I wouldn't swim if it weren't for the people I'm surrounded by. 

I mean.. lets get real. Aren't we hot?

I had times when I was in Junior High that I wanted to quit. I wasn't going anywhere and I didn't like going to practice. As I look back, I'm forever thankful to my parents who told me to suck it up and go. I sit back and think about my career so far as a swimmer, and I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am without my immediate family, and my swimmer family. They make everything worth it.

Everything.

The Best Big Brother.

Once upon a time my brother started filling out his mormon missionary papers. About a week ago. Which I of course thought was awesome. I'm so incredibly proud of him that he will give up 2 years of his life to go serve the Lord.
But.
Then today I learn that he's changed his availability date to Sep. 1st. Then I learn that there's a small chance he could have his call by tomorrow. Then I started to realize that he could be gone in a month.
What. The. (*^$&^(&%**^.
I've been mentally preparing myself for this to happen for years now. Why is it all of a sudden hitting me like a brick wall? I feel so.. torn in half. My thoughts are all jumbled and broken.
1st half of me: Yes, Sammi, let him go on a mission! He's a smart boy and you know he'll be in the right place serving the right people. It's what he needs to do. It's what the Lord needs him to do. It's what you need him to do.

Other half of me: Son of a.. you're joking! He can't leave. Not now. Not when it feels like he's finally becoming one of my best friends. Not when I'm just barely starting to realize how big of an impact he is on my life. Not when times are getting difficult and I feel like I need him the most..
It's so hard. I know that he needs to go. I know that. I do. There's just that small part of me that does not want to let go of him. Josh is the best big brother anyone could ever ask for.

We're 3 years apart, and I should've been able to go to school with him for years here and there, but Josh transfered to so many different schools that I never got to walk the same halls as him. When he was in 6th and I was in 3rd, we went to the same Elementary school. That's the only same school that we ever went to. But he never talked to me because he thought I was "lame." and he was the cool kid who hung out on the basketball courts with all of the girls. I do remember one day though, when a really mean boy wouldn't leave me a lone. I ran for Josh in the middle of all of his friends and hooked my arms around his waist, refusing to let go, tears streaming down my face. To my surprise, he didn't shove me away or try to act cool in front of his friends. He hugged me back and didn't let go until I stopped crying. He's always been like that, and I'm just starting to realize how much it means to me.

Then, when I was going to be in 7th grade and he was going to be in 9th, I was so excited to go to school with him again. The previous year, Josh had repeated the 8th grade so that enabled me to go to school with him in Jr. High and High School . I was pumped. Then he transfered to Timberline right before school started. I was sad, but was looking forward to going to school with him in High School at good ol' Lone Peak High.
When I was a freshman, I started swimming for Lone Peak. Here, 9th graders still go to school in Jr. High. So, I would get checked out early from school and go to the High School in preparation for my meets. I'd text Josh and tell him I was at his school, and he'd come find me and give me a hug. Josh was always the big cheese at school. Its super fun to be related to someone with such a high social status. :)
Then, when I was going to be a sophomore, Josh transfered to Pleasant Grove. A rival high school in the town next to us. I cannot even tell you how furious I was that I was never able to go to school with my big brother. Honestly, is it too much to ask? Oh well. I guess fate had a different plan. It did.
Josh started playing baseball at PG, and I swear that team was the best thing that ever happened to him. At least thats what it seemed like to me. He was such a good example to those guys. I've very rarely ever seen the soft side of Josh, but he was like a brother to them. I still continue to see things fall into place today, even though he's graduated.

Recently, as I've seen Josh get ready for his mission, I've learned a lot about him and myself. I see him talk to people and see a boy who's not going to be afraid to put himself out there to teach people the gospel. I see him laugh and see a boy who's going to roll with the punches. No matter what gets thrown at him, he'll always bounce back. I look at Josh and see a boy who's going to come back a man. As cheesey as that sounds, it's true.
Him being my oldest sibling, Josh has been my source of inspiration for as long as I can remember. I always wanted to be like him - I still do. He excels in everything he attempts. He always has a smile. He's laid back and chill, but isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes. I grew up a tomboy, and still am one. Growing up, every day it was nice weather, we'd be outside. I'd watch Josh and my dad throw a baseball or run a few football plays.
In Jr. High I always hated being a tom boy. I felt like I was surrounded by gorgeous girls who were in touch with themselves when I was super insecure and struggling. Now being a tomboy is the thing I love most about myself. Josh taught me that there's strength in being confident.
Confession: At the beginning of my 7th grade year, I was filling out a "get to know you" questionnaire and one of the questions was the classic 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'. Guess what I put? Josh.
I'm sure if Josh was to read this, he'd be extremely creeped out. I don't ever remember really, truly, deeply telling Josh how much I love him. When he graduated High School I hugged him and said "way to go, bud." When he left for college I hugged him and said "I love you, Josh" then went upstairs and cried. I'm pretty sure if I went up to him now and was like "I want to be just like you, i love you and am so proud of you.. etc etc," he'd definitely think I was crazy. Although, I think when he leaves, I'll break down and probably give him a printed out version of this. Aha cheese-ville. Win.

Basically speaking. I love my brother. He's the greatest example of character and strength, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. He hasn't even left on his mission yet, but I feel like I just needed to get everything out on the table so i can come to terms with it. Eventually, I will. I promise. In the mean time, I'll wear my 'hold to the rod' necklace that him and I both have, and do my best to be as cool as him.

P.S. ( This was taken in pretty much the hottest, most humid place on earth. Never mind the sweaty skin. Look at the sibling-precious-ness.)